Sisterhood: We are all one.


 One thing that I have struggled with over and over again is forming bonds of sisterhood, at least out here in the real world. It has always bothered me and it has always felt like there was something missing in me. Some trait or skill that was lacking inside of me. Oh the joys of being an introvert.

How many of you find it easier to connect guys?

I do. I feel like it’s so much easier. Friendships are easier, based on joking, and having fun, and I always know where I stand with them. Problems are solved with a fistbump or a good natured punch on the arm. They don’t offend easily and their feelings are a  bit harder to hurt. Of course, I’m generalizing a bit, but that’s been my experience.

Women absolutely terrify me. I never know what to say, I don’t feel comfortable joking with them unless I know them very well and it’s hard for me to know people unless I am able to joke with them. Once you get past that hurdle there’s the work of keeping the friendship going. Making sure that you don’t commit any of those friendship faux pas that you don’t even know about until you’re confronted with them.

I have a confession.

I’m a little bit wounded.

A few years ago I had a best friend. She introduced me to one of her friends and I became friends with her too. I had a falling out with the best friend and stayed friends with her friend. Imagine my horror and embarrassment when I learned that they were at a get-together one night and thought to entertain everyone by reading my text messages and twitter feed out loud while making fun of me in front of a group of people. My faith in female friendships died in that moment.

I haven’t had a strong female friendship since.

I have been blessed by so many wonderful online friendships and connections but it’s still in the back of mind: don’t get too close, don’t get too attached.

I’ve had a surprising revelation lately.

I want, I need, to heal that wound. I want, and need, to help others heal that wound. It’s been in my head for the last few weeks, start a Woman’s Circle. To which I answer back, “I’m afraid”. What if I do it and the fear overwhelms me and I quit? What if I’m just not cut out for it? What if I won’t be good at it? What if I’m meant to be a lone ranger? What if…

Gotta push past the fear right? Especially when you know it feels like it’s meant to be.

I’ve started a Facebook group, the SoulSisterhood.

An online Women’s Circle. First and foremost I want it to be about forming bonds of friendship and sisterhood. So many women needlessly feel alone and friendless and that’s just plain ridiculous. I also want it to be a safe place to talk about self improvement and our individual journeys.

Big scary dream.

I think the most important thing to remember is that we are all one, we are all part of the whole, we are all connected and a part of each other. There doesn’t have to be distance, there doesn’t have to be hurt, and it is within our power to heal that.

Join us.

  • This entire post made me cry. I could have written it myself. My friendships with men have always been stronger, with few exceptions. No judgments, no expectations, no drama. I like that. But I feel like I am missing out on the girl time, too, especially because I am the lone women in a house full of boys/men.

    Time and time again, I have reached out and trusted and had it thrown in my face. I had my heart wounded a few years ago by a then-close friend and it forever changed me. It's gotten worse since then. A whole lot of take, take, take from me and nothing in return. I have "friends" who barely speak to me with any depth… until they need something. And then it is demanded, not asked, no gratitude or appreciation. It has left me bitter. It seems to me that sisterhood should be about empowering one another, not tearing each other down. Not judging every little thing. It makes me sad.

    I love how honest you are, even when it makes me cry. <3, my sister!

  • Dominee

    Awww, huge hugs lady. I'm glad that it resonated. I think a lot of women feel that way, jaded, and that's why friendships turn out to be so shallow, we hold back so as not to get hurt and so do they and it becomes a cycle. We all have that one friend (or several) that backstabbed us and it's so hard to bounce back from that!

    I feel the loss of that female-sisterhood-role in my life so deeply somedays. I think I miss it more than having an actual relationship and I really hope that one day I can get past what holds me back.

  • Dominee

    Thank you Lindsay! I've actually decided that those that have supported me from the beginning will get a free membership because I wouldn't be here without the ones that selflessly supported me out of pure love, and you're definitely one of those! Besides, that guarantees that I have a base membership of women that I already love and feel connected with.

    And I definitely agree, I think we would be the best of friends!

  • I think we all need that sisterhood, but finding it? Really hard. I have gotten really jaded lately, too, and that definitely doesn't help. It seems like every day I see more and more judgment among women, more and more self-righteous competition, and I hate that. Definitely not motivating to seek out sisterhood!

  • Dominee

    I think that I've watched a lot of Golden Girls, ahem, 🙂 I want that group of women I can always rely on, I can't help it! Tv brainwashing strikes again! Hehe.

  • Leslie

    Count me in when you're ready to launch! I wrote down Soul Sisterhood a few months back when thinking about ideas of what needs to be put "out there"……

  • Sellica

    It's much easier for me to be friends with guys, the upfront nature of the relationship is easier. I have some issues stemming my childhood relationship with my mom, and so I am working on that. 🙂 I had one friend attempt to sabotage my other friendships so that she was the primary one, go after boys once she knew I was interested in them, and to tell the truth its been more difficult to trust since then. Also add to this, that I am bisexual so then there seems to be a romantic component that creeps in at times, making me feel awkward and guilty for my feelings. Your confession opened me up to my own confession–how cathartic, thank you!

  • Ashley

    I wholeheartedly agree with everything said here. I think starting a Soul Sisterhood online would be a fantastic idea! I've always grown up being closer with guys opposed to girls. I find I get along better with men and that the majority of the women today are very dramatic and can be catty. There always seems to be an underlying edge or tensions in most friendships with girls. I am lucky to have had a few strong and amazing friendships with women in my life (so far!) where even if we don't talk for some time, we can get together and no one is mad at the other and things are just how they have been.

    With men I feel there is less judgement and opinions with everything. There's less drama and therefore, more positivity in those friendships.

    Definitely let us know when you launch! I'm a graphic designer, so if you ever need any help just let me know!

    Blessings,
    Ashley

  • Winter P. Dawson

    I can't wait to see where this goes! I too have always bonded better with male friends than female. In fact the only "close" friends I really have anymore are guys.

  • Hooray!! I have never really had a "friend of the bosom". I definitely do NOT find it easier to be friends with guys. I would love to be part of an online sisterhood.

  • Kelly

    Hoooray from me too!!! I can't wait to take part in this online sisterhoood!

  • Dominee

    Will do! So exciting!

  • Dominee

    Thank you too! I totally get how romantic feelings can cause some issues with friendships with women. I've gone through that too being bisexual. Over the last few years I've decided that relationships aren't for me so that's helped make it a non-issue but I definitely know what you mean!

  • Dominee

    Thanks Ashley for the offer and for sharing your experience! Hopefully the soul sisterhood manifests soon!

  • Dominee

    You're gonna be one of the first to know, and I know that our friendship has only been online but I definitely count you among my favorite ladies!

  • Dominee

    Love! I can't wait until it manifests!

  • Dominee

    Yay! xoxo